It is interesting how life takes various different turns almost every now and then. Sometimes those turns impact our lives and at other times we simply ignore those changes. It has been four months since my previous post and my life has continued to evolve (or so I think). I was noticing very minute changes and almost everything happening around me seemed to affect my thought process. May be I was too jobless or may be I was on to understanding something fundamentally important. And then came the GATE to be opened and almost everything else became secondary. I certainly put more efforts in preparing for my examination this time compared to my previous attempts. I am not sure of what the results will bring for me, what I am sure of is I would be a little satisfied and a little disheartened at the same time, but in any case I would certainly feel happy that I enjoyed the ride. In this last one month I postponed every possible activity to after 30th of the month (my exam date). For nearly a month 'After 30' became the most used phrase for me. More or less, there was nothing else on mind, after a long time I had a very specific personal goal and I could focus on it without wavering thoughts. I found that the time gap between lying down on the bed and falling asleep came down slowly. A focused goal can certainly sharpen your will as well as skill and the best part was the journey during the attempt to achieve that goal.
During this period, occasionally I thought about what I really want from my life. I started reconsidering my options and almost every time, while in this 'After 30' business, the thoughts converged at one point 'What After 30'. Some things which I could observe around me make me think whether what I am trying to do is even worth it (from my position) and all I think about is where it will lead me to by the time I am around 30 years old. One thing I understood very clearly is, whatever the path I choose, I would never know what would have happened, had I chosen any other path. I can only imagine. This helps me slow down and think. I don't know how good it is to be so slow, may be time will tell me some time. I used to think about what all I would do after the exam is over. There were so many things that used to cross my mind. Now that the exam is actually over I already find myself in that 'I-don't-have-any-goal' situation. Let's just hope when I get up tomorrow morning I remember a few things on which I could focus. May be my goals for After 30 (if at all I am able to frame them correctly in first place) will help me lay down a path of intermediate milestones but then again at times it feels much better to go with the flow of time. I guess I would let time take its time in making me realize what I want to do, and, meanwhile I would sit back, relax and enjoying the journey forward.
Cheers
